My Ideas about 'Gender Passing' (or not)

'Passing' is something of a complex word in the transgender community.

By this I mean it can have both positive and negative connotations, depending on how, why, and by whom it is being used.

Simply stated, gender 'passing' is the ability to go about your life, usually in public, while being perceived as your preferred gender.  For me (transgender female) that would be female.  For someone who identifies as male, it would be male.  For gender-fluid people, it would be be whatever gender they are currently presenting.  Of course, it gets more complex once you start talking about the gender-less people, or those who express both genders at the same time.  Here is where I could go on and on about gender being a construct - and gender roles a creation of history.  But I won't.  I might talk about that sometime in the future - but for the purposes of this short post, I'm discussing transgender people passing (or not) as their preferred gender.

Typically, discussion about passing is pretty common among transgender people - since it's an important issue for many of us.  However, discussing whether or not a specific transgender person 'passes' as their preferred gender is rude, over-familiar, and insensitive.   A person's gender identity is  always valid regardless of appearance, voice, etc.

That being said, for some transgender people, the ability to 'pass' in public is a common goal.  First of all, passing can provide a huge boost in mental well-being while going out and about doing all the boring and (occasionally) exciting things that make up everyone's daily life.  I'm much, much happier when I'm out for a walk, or at an event, and someone calls me "miss" or "ma'am" (I must be getting older...  *sigh*).  Conversely, I'm much, much sadder when I'm all prettied up and then get continuously referred to as "sir" by a store check-out lady.  

As an aside, store check-out ladies are almost always very positive towards me (I think it has something to do with my brightly painted purple nails). :)

For those of you who identify as the gender you were assigned at birth - you've probably never had to deal with this particular problem.  You have had a lifetime of passing as the gender you were identified with at birth.  In fact, you probably take it for granted you will be correctly gendered, and if you were ever miss-gendered (say, after a particularly bad haircut) you would probably be somewhat upset about it.  Transgender people want to pass so they can feel normal like you (because, of course, we ARE normal).  Unfortunately, our society often operates through Blue and Pink lenses.

I say again, a person's gender identity is  always valid regardless of appearance, voice, etc.

Another element of the 'passing' goal is safety.  Transgender people have a disproportionate risk of violence and harassment.  Sadly, being noticed and called out as transgender in public can lead to harassment and verbal abuse (best case) or violence and injury (worst case).  When a transgender person passes as their preferred gender, they aren't noticed by those who would do them harm.

This is, of course, a terrible state of affairs!  People should be able to go out as themselves without having to worry about personal risk.  Everyone - not just transgender people.  I'll save more proselytising about that for a future post...

Passing completely as your preferred gender is the eventual outcome of some or all of these: hormone therapy, gender confirmation surgeries, vocal training, etc.  If a transgender person passes completely as their preferred gender, and no one can tell they once went through gender transition, they are doing something called 'going stealth'.  This means no one knows they are transgender - and they are certainly under no obligation to tell anyone about their status or personal history.  This can be beneficial for a person (for obvious reasons - see above).  However, it takes a lot of time, money, and effort to reach that point.  For many transgender people, it isn't a realistic option. 

Many transgender people choose not to pass.  Or only pass some of the time.  Or pass for work, but not for hanging out with friends.  When a transgender person wants to pass - it's important to them to be able to (for obvious reasons - see above).  Often, transgender people want to be seen (and known) as being transgender so as to give support to others in the community.  There will always be people born into the wrong gender - who will eventually identify as transgender - and they will always need support from a community of peers.  Especially since the broader community isn't always so supportive.  It is also through this visibility that non-transgender (cisgender) people get to know (and become more accepting of) transgender people.

Personally, I try to pass whenever possible (especially when my safety is at risk), but I also often try to be visibly (and verbally) obviously transgender.  I want to support others who might be nervous about starting their gender transition, or who might know someone going through what I'm going through, or who might have read on the internet about the 'evil transgenders' (we're not).  I want to share this part of myself with others in hopes of fostering understanding, compassion, and acceptance. 

I'm proud of everything that makes me who I am - and I don't care who knows it. :)

-Lia

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